Growing like a weed
Our little tax deduction continues to provide us with other pleasures than avoiding IRS penalties.... most notably, she has taken to making what Amelia calls, "monkey lips" (see below) and speaking (constantly) in baby babble. I have to (proudly) admit that she does "Da Da" very well and is working on "Buh (bye)" and "Hhhhaa (hi). She crawls over everything, stands up with minimal assistance, captivates hearts with a glance and a smile, subdues international terrorist organizations with her diapers, and is a constant source of joy for her mother and me. Here is the latest sampling of pictures provided by Sears and our checkbook:
Mary Hannah is a patriotic baby, to be sure! Besides agreeing to go on tour with the Dixie Chicks to uplift our fighting forces abroad, she is an active member of C.I.A (Cuteness In Action), which seeks to end crime and establish social justice in Outer Mongolia by use of the Cute Factor™, patent pending, all rights reserved.
Mary Hannah has asked that we publish this statement: "Aaaiieerrrrgghh. Da Da. Gurgle gurgle giggle gurgle, bwah, ppppbbbtttthhhh." I was moved to tears (mainly because at the end of that sentence, she made "monkey lips" and blew baby food all over my face, getting in my eyes). While no one has yet translated her erudite phrase, theories abound. 1: Look at me, I'm cute. 2: Get ready, Daddy, I'm about to blow baby food all over your face! 3: Fear me, puny one! 4: Tell Grandma I'm coming next week and need some spoiling. 5: Parents are so easy to manipulate. Watch as I drop my spoon in the floor ... they'll pick it up every time! ... The list continues. Nobody knows for sure, but I personally believe it is the formula for cold fusion.
So here is the secret behind the Cute Factor™, patent pending, all rights reserved: First you need a baby as cute as Mary Hannah (rare), next you need a sponsor like Coca-Cola, Nike, or Gerber. Finally, you need seed money ($30). Go to Central Park in NYC and buy as much bird seed as you can buy with the seed money (get it? seed money? I kill me!) Take it to the NYSE and offer it to the security guards outside the trading floor. Make sure that you put it in metal briefcases. Set the briefcases down near the guards and take off, running as quickly as you can...The only thing that will save you is the Cute Factor™, patent pending, all rights reserved. Now, isn't that as clear as mud?
The hat is a thing that all the Heard's grandbabies have done, so of course when we got these pictures taken, we had to have Mary Hannah do it too. Is it possible to overuse the phrase, "Isn't she cute?" In this case, I don't think it is possible. The hat is Gucci, made in Italy, handcrafted by people who are genetically bred to make straw hats for rich people. How it ended up as a prop in a Sear's photo shop mystifies even the most scientific minds.
The cute smile is part of her arsenal to capture your heart. Be on your guard, lest you fall. Proverbs 15:13 says, "A happy heart makes the face cheerful." I, however, have seen this face "Cheerio-full", so don't be taken in by the grin. Although, it is fun to look at, isn't it? I mean, she is soooo cute, her little face just lights up and that smile with only two teeth... it melts my heart and I .... D'OH! She idid it again... see how dangerous that smile can be?
"Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can." The photographer waits for the perfect shot. "Roll it up... roll it up...." SNAP, FLASH, WHIRR the shot is taken. Here is the result. We regret to inform you that due to a sudden flash of light, Mary Hannah was too startled to "throw it in the pan!" and therefore, the cake was ruined. Not to worry, she usually "pat-a-cakes" at various times throughout the day. To have an autographed cake sent to you, send a SASE to "Pat-a-Cake", Box 3392.745, Palo Alto, California 34902 along with a $1 Million Dollar money order.
That about wraps up her 9 month photo session. We hope you've enjoyed it. - proud parents Jeff and Amelia.